I Am That I Am

These are notes of a lecture given by Swami Vivekananda in San Francisco on March 20, 1900, and are reproduced here from his Complete Works 8: 244-49. These notes were originally taken in shorthand by Ida Ansell, edited by Swami Ashokananda, and published in The Voice of India.

The subject tonight is us human beings in contrast with nature. For a long time the word "nature" was used almost exclusively to denote external phenomena. These phenomena were found to behave methodically; and they often repeated themselves: that which had happened in the past happened again--nothing happened only once. Thus it was concluded that nature was uniform. Uniformity is closely associated with the idea of nature; without it natural phenomena cannot be understood. This uniformity is the basis of what we call law.
Gradually the word "nature" and the idea of uniformity came to be applied also to internal phenomena, the phenomena of life and mind. All that is differentiated is nature. Nature is the quality of the plant, the quality of the animal, and the quality of human beings. Our human life behaves according to definite methods; so do our minds. Thoughts do not just happen, there is a certain method in their rise, existence and fall. In other words, just as external phenomena are bound by law, internal phenomena-that is to say, the life and mind of a human being-are also bound by law.
When we consider law in relation to our human mind and human existence, it is at once obvious that there can be no such thing as free will and free existence. We know how animal nature is wholly regulated by law. The animal does not appear to exercise any free will. The same is true of us; human nature also is bound by law. The law governing functions of the human mind is called the law of karma.
Nobody has ever seen anything produced out of nothing; if anything arises in the mind, it must have been produced from something. When we speak of "free" will, we mean that the will is not caused by anything. But that cannot be true: the will is caused; and since it is caused, it cannot be free--it is bound by law. That I am willing to talk to you and you come to listen to me, that is law. Everything that I do or think or feel, every part of my conduct or behavior, my every movement-all of this is caused and therefore none of this is "free." This regulation of our life and mind--that is the law of Karma.
If such a doctrine had been introduced in olden times into a Western community, it would have produced a tremendous commotion. Westerners do not want to think that their minds are governed by law. In India it was accepted as soon as it was propounded by the most ancient Indian system of philosophy. There is no such thing as freedom of the mind; it cannot be. Why did not this teaching create any disturbance in the Indian mind? India received it calmly; that is the specialty of Indian thought, wherein it differs from every other thought in the world.
The external and internal natures are not two different things; they are really one. Nature is the sum total of all phenomena. "Nature" means all that is: all that "moves" is nature. We make a tremendous distinction between matter and mind; we think that the mind is entirely different from matter. Actually, they are but one nature, half of which is continually acting on the other half. Matter is pressing upon the mind in the form of various sensations. These sensations are nothing but force. The force from the outside evokes the force within. From the will to respond to or get away from the outer force, the inner force becomes what we call thought.
Both matter and mind are really nothing but forces; and if you analyze them far enough, you will find that at root they are one. The very fact that the external force can somehow evoke the internal force shows that somewhere they join each other--they must be continuous and, therefore, basically the same force. When you get to the root of things, they become simple and general. Since the same force appears in one form as matter and in another form as mind, there is no reason to think matter and mind are different. Mind is changed into matter, and matter is changed into mind. Thought force becomes nerve force and muscular force; muscular and nerve forces become thought force. Nature is all this force, whether expressed as matter or mind.
The difference between the subtlest mind and the grossest matter is only one of degree. Therefore the whole universe may be called either mind or matter, it does not matter which. You may call the mind "refined matter" or you may call matter "concretized mind"-it would makes little difference. Nor is it any use discussing which comes first-mind or matter. Is the mind first, out of which matter has come? Or is matter first, out of which the mind has come? Many of the philosophical arguments proceed from these futile questions. It is like asking whether the egg or the hen is first. Both are first, and both last-mind and matter, matter and mind. If I say matter existed first and, growing finer and finer, it then became mind, then I must admit that before matter there must have been mind. Otherwise, where did matter come from? Matter precedes mind, and mind precedes matter. It is the hen and the egg question all through.
The whole of nature is bound by the law of causation and is in time and space. We cannot see anything outside of space, yet we do not know space. We cannot perceive anything outside of time, yet we do not know time. We cannot understand anything except in terms of causality, yet we do not know what causation is. These three things-time, space, and causality-manifest in and through every phenomena, but they are not in themselves phenomena. They are as it were the forms or moulds in which everything must be cast before it can be apprehended. Matter is substance plus time, space, and causation. Mind is substance plus time, space and causation.
This fact can be expressed in another way. Everything is substance plus name and form. Name and form come and go, but substance remains ever the same. Substance, form, and name make this pitcher. When it is broken, you do not call it pitcher any more, nor do you see its pitcher form. Its name and form vanish, but its substance remains. All the differentiation in substance is made by name and form. These are not real, because they vanish. What we call nature is not the substance, unchanging and indestructible. Nature is time, space and causation. Nature is name and form. Nature is Maya. Maya means name and form, into which everything is cast. Maya is not real. We could not destroy it or change it if it were real. The substance is the noumenon, Maya is phenomena. There is the "real" me [called atman, in Sanskrit] which nothing can destroy, and there is the "phenomenal" me which is continually changing and disappearing.
The fact is that everything existing has two aspects. One is noumenal, unchanging and indestructible; the other is phenomenal, changing and destructible. A human being in his or her true nature is substance, soul, spirit (atman). This soul, or spirit, never changes, is never destroyed; but it appears to be clothed with a form and to have a name associated with it. This form and name are not immutable or indestructible; they continually change and are destroyed. Yet we foolishly seek immortality in this changeable aspect, in the body and mind-we want to have an eternal body. That kind of immortality is not possible.
What is the relation between the atman and nature? In so far as nature stands for name and form or for time, space, and causality, I-as atman-am not part of nature, because I am free, I am immortal, I am unchanging and infinite. The question does not arise whether I have free will or not; I am beyond any will at all. Wherever there is will, it is never free. There is no freedom of will whatever. There is freedom of that which becomes will when name and form get hold of it, making it their slave. That substance--the atman--as it were moulds itself, as it were throws itself into the cast of name and form, and immediately becomes bound, whereas it was free before. And yet its original nature is still there. That is why the atman says, "I am free. In spite of all this bondage, I am free." And it never forgets this.
But when the atman has-as it were-become the will, it is no more free. Nature pulls the strings, and it has to dance as nature wants it to. Thus have you and I danced throughout the years. All the things that we see, do, feel, know, all our thoughts and actions, are nothing but dancing to the dictates of nature. There has been, and there is, no freedom in any of this. From the lowest to the highest, all thoughts and actions are bound by law, and none of these pertain to the atman, our real Self.
My true Self-the atman-is beyond all law. Be in tune with slavery, with nature, and you live under law, you are happy under law. But the more you obey nature and its dictates, the more bound you become; the more in harmony with ignorance you are, the more you are at the beck and call of everything in the universe. Is this harmony with nature, this obedience to law, in accord with the true nature and destiny of us human beings? What mineral ever quarreled with and disputed any law? What tree or plant ever defied any law? This table is in harmony with nature, with law; but a table it remains always, it does not become any better. We human beings struggle and fight against nature, we makes many mistakes, and we suffer. But eventually we conquer nature and realize our freedom. When we are free, nature becomes our slave.
The awakening of the soul to its bondage and its effort to stand up and assert itself--this is called life. Success in this struggle is called evolution. The eventual triumph, when all the slavery is blown away, is called salvation, Nirvana, freedom. Everything in the universe is struggling for liberty. When I am bound by nature, by name and form, by time, space and causality, I do not know what I truly am. But even in this bondage my atman is not completely lost. I strain against the bonds; one by one they break, and I become conscious of my innate grandeur. Then comes complete liberation. I attain to the clearest and fullest consciousness of myself--I know that I am the atman, the infinite spirit, the master of nature, not its slave. Beyond all differentiation and combination, beyond space, time and causation, I am that I am.